I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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