i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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