I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
