I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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