I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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