I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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