well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
