if you like me you must not know who I am
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
