So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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