***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
