a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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