Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
