im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
