I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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