if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
