I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
