If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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