Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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