How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize