Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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