her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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