Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
