I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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