I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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