Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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