She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
and you fell through a lawn chair
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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