yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My pussy is not your playground.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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