is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
