Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
