he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
