And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
