Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
