i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
