dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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