omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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