It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you had me at cake vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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