she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need water and some morals
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
