hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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