$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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