It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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