they need to just BURY HIM!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize