i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
