fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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