What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
