it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize