thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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