how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
