i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
