True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
