i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
