I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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