the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize