I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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