i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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