Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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