I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
