oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize