On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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