I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
