non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
