I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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