I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Screwed.edu
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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