Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
